I wouldn’t say that I am sad. I like my life. I am not unhappy with my life. But I am so deeply ….unmoved. Overwhelmed by nothingness and the desire to do …but I have no means. No money. No time. No willpower.
My temper shortens with each day…as the sun sets earlier and earlier so does my ability to be mindful and present. To be grateful.
I am no longer able to find peace. I am disinterested and my desire to escape grows more everyday and I want to make it stop.
I just feel….
Feelings of self-hate that I have struggled with as a result of the choices I’ve made in life are resurfacing. I feel so angry at myself for wasting so much time on drugs, wasting so much time on nothing and now I am trapped. I feel resentment building. Resentment for the best things in my life.
I desperately need a break. One night and one day…that’s all. Just for me.
That word is almost unrecognizable.
What the fuck does that even mean?