It is Yule tonight.
A night that I had grand plans for. And here I find myself scrambling to even find a candle to burn.
For a minute I felt down. I was angry and upset with myself that I hadn’t put more effort into this. This is the longest night of the year. My favorite night..even more so than Samhain.
“I still have Koliada.” I tell myself. “I can cook then. I can celebrate then.”But that’s what I have told myself for the past year and a half. Somehow I never pull through.
Mental illness is probably the roughest throughout the Autumn and Winter seasons.
It isn’t like I had massively grand plans. I just wanted to make a dinner, a nice dinner. I wanted to have my candles and my Yule ritual. I wanted to sip my hot chocolate in a warm room lit by the glow of feel good movie (or maybe a horror movie) and Christmas tree lights. A full belly. Fir and balsam in the air.
So…instead of feeling sorry for myself and angry that I fucked up my favorite night of the year…I decided to make do.
I cleaned my altar. I finally (and embarrassingly) removed the remnants of Autumn, cleaned everything and made space for Morana.
I should have made room for her before. She is strong and only she can get us through these difficult winters. Now, many of us don’t face death as a result of the winter cold so it may seem as if appeasing the Old Gods is worthless…but it isn’t. Now we face death from cold hearts. Cold spirits. Sadness. The long winter of the mind and we still need Morana. We still need The Cailleach. We still need Nane Sarma.
Father Winter can sure touch us in more ways than one.
Anyway….yeah. I cleaned my altar. It’s nice. Then I put my favorite Yule scented wax melts in their warmers.
Then I decided to make myself an incense to burn later.
-Cinnamon for consecration and protection.
-Clove for prosperity, banishing evil and clearing my head.
-Common Garden Sage for wisdom and good luck.
-Nutmeg for clairvoyance.
-Myrrh for my ancestors, spiritual balance, healing, and spiritual wisdom.
Just make do.
I can’t wait until I can light my coal and get the incense going. With my cup of hot chocolate in my warm den lit by the glow of my tree and a nice movie.