I try desperately to be happy, and to be kind. It isnt that I dont like my life. I do like my life. I love my kids, I love my husband….but these things dont make life less stressful. Taking care of two children 2 and under all day is rough sometimes. It is an odd feeling, to have your capacity for love and joy grow at every moment while simultaneously being so tired and so fatigued and so in need of just one day to breathe. There is a special guilt that itches at your soul when you admit to yourself that you are tired. When you admit that you need a day away.
This is making me really, really snappy with people. I have to be honest and say that I dont really like people on a good day, but when you have this emotional and spiritual fatigue…oh my, lol. I am really not here for peoples little snarky bullshit. But I try my best to keep in mind that my bad days do not give me any reason to needlessly lash out and be rude to people. But, people really are about that bullshit. They say and do such unnessacery things. Its wild.
They talk when they should keep their lips closed.
They type when they should use their fingers to do something better with their hands.
I am not exempt from any of this, but I actively try to do better. And social media makes it a million times worse..ughhhhhh. I have the ultimate love/hate relationship with social media.
Im a massive introvert, so while I enjoy some human interaction, I would rather it not be in person. I like communicating with people online. It gives me control and I feel more comfortable. At the same time….I only want to communicate with who I want to communicate with and the nature of social media allows people who I dont give a fuck about to say things I dont give a fuck about and then I have a hard time not being rude to them. lol
I need to devise some sort of self imposed exile where I can greatly limit my use of social media and what I see, who I interact with…maybe the “Friendly” app does that? I dunno. I am gonna look something up once I am finished typing this.
I am watching “The Crucible.” Its aight. I have been listening to several podcasts about the Salem Witch Trials and it interests me a lot. The Scottish With Trials (New Berwick) interest me a lot as well. Maybe I can find a podcast about the New Berwick Witch Trials. People are insane. Lol it all goes back to that. I mean these people are really saying theyve seen kids flying? What the fuck? These people are saying theyve seen women talking with the devil? I mean people werent that damn daft in the 16 and 1700s were they? My God. I am having a hard time suspending my disbelief over all this but ….it really happened. Its just so hard to fathom. Wild. Just wild, I tell you!
Ok..I am gonna take a nap. I have several things I want to write real entries about. Inshallah tonight.
Daniel Day Lewis is golden standard.