My first thought right now is that I desperately need more bowls. I was under the impression that I at least had a few. But, I think I let my husband borrow a few Tupperware bowls, and they haven’t made their way back to me, yet. It’s funny how that works.
I am just trying to eat soup and I need a suitable vessel.
In other news, I think I am finally at a level of functional fatigue. This means that, despite the fact that I’m walking around like a half-dead zombie, who cannot keep her eyes open, I’m still able to do the things that I need to do in order to function. my burnout is still causing my ability to be the best mother I can be suffer a bit. But, I’m working on that.
I have been fatigued a lot in my life. I have stayed awake for days and days on end on drugs. I have stayed awake for miserable days and days on end trying desperately to come off of drugs…and I have stayed awake because of worry, stress, anxiety, and all of those other wonderful things.
But nothing compares to the fatigue that comes along with parenthood. This shit is really special. It pushes you and tries you in ways you never before thought possible. In ways you couldn’t even fathom.
I never knew that I could consistently go with only two or 3 hours of sleep at night for prolonged periods of time, and then still be able to function relatively well. And, when I say function, I mean function as a parent. Which, is a whole nother level of functioning. it’s all of our other regular, normal human shit that we go through. Our anxieties in our depression, our chronic pain, and our chronic illnesses….plus taking care of tiny humans which is insane even for the healthiest of humans.
Anyway either shit seems to be getting better….or I am coping better. I’m happy with either one.
I have to bitch about the internet again. It’s just such a conundrum. Honestly the internet itself is wonderful but it’s a soapbox for toxicity solely because of its users lmao. I do think the internet has made me a better person. I’ve learned and developed universal principles that help me personally and I try to implement these principles in a way where I do as little damage to others (who don’t deserve it) as possible. I have a nice place where I can be accountable because nothing disappears from the internet so I am always able to go back and see what I could have done differently and learn and grow. I am always making mistakes and have carved out a small community of people who can bring my mistakes to my attention and help me learn from them all while understanding that we are all human and it’s ok to fuck up.
But there are some communities on the internet that are so deeply toxic and harmful. I used to be a part of a group where people made post asking for monetary help for certain things. those things can range from wanting a new pair of shoes, to needing money to pay for an abortion, needing money to relocate after domestic violence, so on and so forth. And, this was a very liberal and dare I say, leftist community. However, I slowly realized that it was probably the most toxic community I’ve ever been a part of. I just started thinking about them this morning because I have run into several different people posting about how negatively they’ve been affected by the people in this group and their cult-like mentality. It just sucks.
People suck. it’s even worse when communities that are supposed to be made up of like-minded leftists, act this way. when they began to exhibit behavior that I would only come to expect out of disgusting, hateful bigots. This particular group had a really bad habit of building people up, and then viciously tearing them down.
It’s so gross. So, so gross.
Learn and do better.